I don’t know where I’ve been but I’ve been totally clueless to this recognition as well to October 15th being National Pregnancy & Infant Loss Day. Really, where have I been? Did you know that the remembrance day was passed in the US House of Representatives on September 28, 2006? Again, no clue.
If you have suffered a loss, October 15 was Remember Your Baby Day. Although not a day goes by that those of us who have suffered a loss do not think about our baby, about how different would things be, what would my baby be doing right now, who would my baby look like? All these questions and thoughts are always with us.
February 14, 2006 I had an Ectopic Pregnancy. You can read about my story here. We had been trying for a few years and I didn’t even know I was pregnant. My doctor said I was about two months along. It was difficult to process. My loss is not in comparison to my sister’s loss. My older sister and I are 10 months apart. She miscarried her first at about 8 or so weeks. When she got pregnant a second time she was being monitored very closely and in November 1999 delivered a healthy baby boy. Over the years, she would get pregnant but would miscarry. For her, it was easy to conceive but difficult for her to carry. To this day I am not sure they found out why.
In September of 2004, just two weeks shy of her due date, my sister gave birth to a stillborn daughter. I cannot imagine … and my heart goes out to anyone who has gone through this. What is even harder to believe is that she had to carry the baby for another 3 days before she gave birth. As devastated as they were, she seemed pretty calm about it. I think I freaked out more than she did. Why wouldn’t they induce her right away? I think I would want her out immediately. I cannot remember the reason they gave but she understood. As any birth goes, this should have been a joyous occasion for us. We had lost our daddy just five months prior. The baby’s name was Amber. She was a beautiful baby girl with lots of black hair – she was absolutely perfect. We were happy that we got to hold her, kiss her and say our goodbye’s. Here is a picture of me holding Amber with her big brother. I’m sure she is having fun in Heaven with my parents.
My sister continued trying for another baby and time after time she would miscarry. Finally in November 2008 she delivered a healthy baby boy.
We are very blessed to have been able to hold Amber and love her in the very short time that we did.